The Even Less Authorized MINI Mints FAQ.

by Steve Baker.

OK - for those MINI owners who didn't get a packet of MINI Mints in the glove-compartment of their new MINI...here is what you are missing:

A blue and white container that looks suspiciously like the 'Smints Instant Freshness' package except that it says "MINI" where the obvious fake says "SMINT" and on the back, it includes the comforting words "GET FRESH. GO MOTOR."
Inside are forty (40) microscopic triangular mints with an 'S' embossed into each of them. Yes - these are 'MINI' mints - and you might expect them to have an 'M' on them - but then small children would confuse them with M&M's - with possibly fatal consequences because these are very strong mints.

MINI Mints contain Xylitol and no sugar and are just 0.5 calories each. This means that you'd have to eat 35 packets of MINI mints to equal the calories you'd get from a Big Mac. (64 packets if you're going to eat the fries too!)

The package is cunningly designed so that when you press the top of the packet, it dispenses just one MINI mint - typically onto the floor because you forget which side they come out.

On the SMINTS web site, they say:

"The Smint dispenser is a specially patented design, intended to allow consumers to dispense tablets "one at a time", thereby avoiding product waste and providing a hygienic way to handle the SMINTs" ...as opposed to picking them up from where they landed in that little fluff-filled region around the base of the gear stick.

You'll notice that there is a little recess in the flap of your glove compartment that is designed for holding the MINI mint packet. (You've gotta admire German engineering and attention to detail.)
The MINI Mint container in its Native Habitat.

The MINI mint container comes in a clear cellophane wrapper. This is there to protect the Mints from harm on the long boat journey from Oxford, England and to keep them at optimal freshness throughout the long truck drive to your dealership...it also prevents the thieving Motoring Assistant from scarfing a handful of them while "prepping" your car just prior to delivery.

I was trying to keep Yoda in 'mint condition' (geddit?) - but my son removed the all-important cellophane wrapper after he found the MINI mints in the glove compartment. He got a severe shouting at as a direct result. (Yes, I know - I'm a BAD PARENT - and Oliver will grow up to need years of councilling for his peculiar mintophobia condition).

Since that black day, the MINI mints have been gradually disappearing and now the box no longer rattles - so I deduce that there are none left (with the possible exception of some 'stray' ones wedged somewhere in Yoda's clutch pedal mechanism).

So, my evil plan was to buy several packs of Smints (in the official MINI flavor - none of this 'peach' nonsense!) and re-stock the container in order to restore my MINI to it's original showroom condition. Sure, the person to whom I eventually sell my MINI *may* notice that the cellophane wrapper has been duct-taped back together - but I figure that's a small thing so long as there are forty (40) small triangular S-embossed mints inside.

I'm very sad for those MINI owners who didn't order MINI mints when going down the list of optional accessories like the Nav computer and the 17" run-flats - I guess you guys just didn't have your priorities right when purchasing your new car. However, I feel that your Motoring Advisor simply failed to explain the importance of this accessory and this is probably reasonable grounds for complaint.

Since the price of 24 packs of Smints is 30.25 Euro's - I'd say you were entitled to a $0.80 refund from the MINI car company - although that will hardly cover the "Pain and Suffering" aspect. I'm not even going to try to estimate the deleterious effect that the lack of a full packet of MINI Mints will have on the resale value of your vehicle. Oh well, we have Lemon Laws - and that's what they are for.

Amazingly, MINI Mints have an official BMW part number: #99-00-0-003-820 so in principle you could order them through a car parts store or direct from your dealership!

Oh yes: Peach flavored Smints are for CVT owners - MCS owners prefer something a little stonger. Oh - wait - I think I figured it out. The 'S' stands for "Supercharged" - what *was* I thinking!